There's beauty in this....

It's funny when you're in a moment and you think you'll remember it the rest of your life.  Then life happens and when you look back, you only remember bits and pieces.  When I think about college, I remember most distinctly the worst moment of my life, a few life lessons I extracted from the chaos of it all, and the way I felt... like I was at the top.  Even when I was at my worst, I felt like I had reached the pinnacle of my life, perhaps because as philosophical as I had become, I finally started learning... I took a lesson from everything.  My eyes were opened in high school and opened wider in college and just knowing that every day is an opportunity to widen them yet again is enough to keep me faithful.  It's humility.... I was humbled in college.  The most humbling moments would come when I had children... and probably every day after that. 

When I was younger, I looked at humility as a weakness.  To be humbled was to be defeated. 

Now, I pity those who refuse to be humbled... to be humbled is such a gift.

I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again, but motherhood didn't come as easy as I had expected and planned.  That humbled me.  I've learned that certain things help center me... my faith in God and contributing to the Church, music, makeup, nail polish, shopping, creating art, sewing, writing...these things center me.  In high school we were given a project called the "Soundtrack of my Life"  to write down a list of songs that would walk someone through our life.  I carried that with me through college and today... when I'm overwhelmed and contemplative. 

My children are both sleeping.  It was a long morning, Fiona was particularly difficult which exhausts me.  So I'm exhausted, but bound and determined to finish the laundry.  David's sock drawer hasn't been full in about three months because I just can't keep up with the laundry; of course the OCD in me says that socks have to be soaked together and separate and who has time for that!?  Well, today I had time and now that they're sleeping I have a chance to actually fold them.  I decided to put music on (which I never do anymore unless it's "Stuart the Snake" or "Leo the Lion").  John Mayer came on, one of my college faves... and in the Soundtrack of my Life, it brought me to college, when I felt invincible.  And even feeling slightly defeated today... I feel like this pile of socks is the mountain on which I can scream "I'm king of the world!" 

And I just know.... there's beauty in this....