Dave came home a couple of weeks ago telling me that he wants to help his friend from work. I only half listen to his work stories because a lot of the time it's all gossip and hear-say and it gets on my nerves. What Dave wanted to get out of the conversation was my approval to spend time at his friend's house helping him refinish the basement for his teenage niece/nephew whose parents were screwed up and this kid is now staying with Dave's buddy. Fine. Of course, he can help his friend, especially for a good cause. What I took from the conversation is that this teenager also has three siblings who are in foster care and if they don't find a permanent home by October, they will probably be split up.
I can't let that happen. I don't know all the details, but I can't walk away without getting the details and at least trying to help. I responded to Dave's story saying "of course we can help! We'll take them!" Since then I have made comments here and there to Dave about how "Mary Elizabeth can't wait to meet her new brothers and sister" or "We'll have to get the basement ready for our new three." Dave told me he'd get to that right after the divorce and he'll take the original three (over my dead body) but you should all know by now that that's how Dave and I communicate.
Anyway, so I haven't really stopped thinking about these kids... I can't.
The first time I felt responsible for other people's children was after Hurricane Ike in 2008. On the news they were showing people from Philadelphia bringing Haitian orphans to America. After watching it I said to Dave "Should we take one?" At the time it was more like a whisper.
When I was pregnant with Fiona, after I found out she was a girl, I was inspired to give her the best little girl room. So I learned to sew and I made almost everything in her room. I made it because we didn't have any money and it dawned on me that every kid deserves a cool room. Some parents aren't crafty or may not have the resources (financial or otherwise) but there was no reason that any kid couldn't have a great space. So I started thinking about wanting to help children by creating beautiful spaces for them... where they could become positive products of their environment. Dave and I started running through ideas and building a business plan. But I couldn't do it for profit and a non-profit costs money to start, so I put it on the back burner... it's now a little bit louder than a whisper...
I started to blog shortly after the "birth" of Products of Environment and I mentioned in a previous post that I wanted to help less fortunate children. Lately it's been bugging me that my children have SO MANY TOYS... it's disgusting... I don't think they appreciate them, they don't even play with them properly... most of the time the just take them out, throw the pieces around and then call it a mess for mommy to clean up. I make them clean it up when I have the time and energy and patience, but most of the time, I end up cleaning it up. I've threatened David that I would throw away the broken toys and give the rest to the poor kids. I want my children to value their belongings and take care of them. But I also don't want to use generosity as a punishment... I want them to realize how fortunate they are and be willing to sacrifice something for someone else. I want them to understand that the greater gift is the opportunity to give. How do I teach that to a 3 and 4 year old?!
So now back to these three siblings.... Dave is like my father: anything I say his initial response is always "No." But having grown up with my father, I'm practically a master litigator. I've said "what if these were our children, I wouldn't want them split up." That wasn't enough. I started to look up fostering children in Pennsylvania and I'll be damned, don't they have a waiting children list?! As I'm going through this list, I'm just thinking that these kids don't need toys, they need love. And the system needs salesmen to help find these kids homes. I've seen on the news "Wednesday's child", which is an amazing program, but besides trying to sell the kids, someone needs to sell the idea of loving these children; to whatever capacity one is able.
So should I foster these children? Is adopting them the right thing? I don't know! Dave worries about affording it, but we've always worked it out. And how will it affect our children? Our children will be better for it. What if the kids are sick? Would we turn away a sick child!?! What if they find out we're crazy. Well, if we can't do it, then we won't.... but this is one of those cases where I truly believe "God's will be done". I said to Dave, "we are so blessed, we have this beautiful house and family and we have a great support system of family and friends... I can't know about something like this and turn my back to it, I can't knowingly walk away without at least trying to help."
Whether or not we end up adopting these children or fostering them or hopefully their mother will be able to take them back or maybe someone else might read this and be in an even better position than I to help these kids. Maybe the best way I can help is to spread awareness about this situation. I recently watched Our America with Lisa Ling about the foster children in LA; in the beginning they showed an older sister saying goodbye to her younger brother who was placed somewhere and she was left behind... these kids don't know their fates, and not only are they worried about their own fates, but the fates of their siblings. They don't need a designer home, designer clothes, shiny toys or perfect families.... they need each other, they need us... you and me and all the regular people who know other regular people who might be able to find them a room.
The Holy Family is knocking on your door... which inn keeper are you?
