When I was a freshman in high school my theology teacher opened my eyes and helped me comprehend all that I had learned in the previous 8 years of my Catholic education. She taught me how to live like a christian and she taught me how to pray.
In college I saw a side of myself that was real and imperfect and not at all what I expected to become. I had always admired and aspired to be like Audrey Hepburn and Jackie O; I admired their timelessness and their grace. Grace was exactly what I was missing and so I began to pray regularly for grace.
A book found me in my senior year of college; it's called Grace for the Moment by Max Lucado. My roommate and I found solace in reading it every night together. We would review our day and decide out loud what question we had for God or ask what lesson He had for us. We would then read the passage and at some point, we were given a very direct response to our question and so we were granted grace... for the moment. We nicknamed the book "God" and every night we would see what "God" had to say.
Seven years later I am still reading "God," of course it has just barely survived a puppy and a baby and so it has no front or back cover and no title page, but every day from January 1 to December 31 is still in tact. Much like the book, I have changed enough to be just barely recognizable. If my roommate could see me now, she'd see the woman masked for so long by the little girl cover- I've allowed myself to be exposed to the vulnerability of evolution. Yet I'm still praying for grace.
Sixteen months ago I gave birth to my first born son. He came out four weeks and one day too soon. The day he was born was the scariest day of my life, but I'll get back to that later. His entrance into this world made me want to be the best possible mother I could be.
Nine months ago I found out I was pregnant again and now I'm two weeks away from delivering my daughter. I'm not nervous about being a mother anymore; I can mother. I'm not nervous about the logistics of taking care of this little girl. I'm nervous that I'm not woman enough to be all the example that she deserves. With a little boy I just wanted to be the best mother, now with a little girl coming, I realize that I have so much more "woman" to become.
We will name her Fiona Grace, I had to name her "grace" after the book that has helped me grow so much into the woman I am today. Now I pray for grace for the moment, grace for every day and in the event that I ever fail her, I pray for Fiona's grace.
